Most people expect holiday stress, almost like it’s a seasonal side effect. But what if it’s not the holiday causing your stress? What if it’s your resistance to how the holidays are unfolding? The holiday season is often called the most wonderful time of the year, filled with expectations of holiday spirit and joy, but the reality can be quite different for many.
At our house during my childhood, we called this time of year the “Holler Days” because of the constant push and pull between my parents and their own inner struggles. They often clashed with each other. Our mother had strict, often unspoken rules about how the holidays should unfold, how the house should look, what the meal should include, how much money to spend, and how everyone was expected to behave.
The pressure sometimes made her act like a lunatic, and on some occasions, those rigid rules actually spoiled the holidays. She would always go overboard, especially with the meals, then complain about how exhausting it all was.
My dad was her main trigger. She wanted to go all out, spending lavishly and decorating flawlessly, while he was very frugal. This clash created tension that affected everyone around them.
It felt like watching a battle of conflicting beliefs, and no one came out a winner.
Why spend the holidays like that?
Let’s intend that this year your holidays will be different than they have been in the past! In this post, we’re going beyond basic StressLess tips to manage holiday stress. Instead, we’re uncovering how to eliminate the root causes, those hidden expectations, rules, and beliefs that generate pressure, conflict, and overwhelm. If you’re ready for a radically different holiday season, here are 10 mindset shifts and practical tools from my StressLess training.
1- Spot the Source: Stress Is Resistance to What Is
Holiday stress isn’t random. It shows up when reality violates an internal belief or rule.
Whether it’s irritability, fatigue, or overwhelm, you’re likely resisting something: someone’s behavior, a situation you can’t control, or a demand you feel obligated to meet. Feeling overwhelmed and overwhelmed are common during the holidays, and it’s normal to experience these feelings.
Micro-Pause Tool: Stop. Breathe. Ask: “What am I resisting about this situation?” This question alone can begin to dissolve the stress loop.
2- Drop the Holiday Rulebook
Perfectionism during the holidays is a form of control. You may not say it out loud, but you might be carrying rules like:
- “My house should be spotless.”
- “Everyone should be happy.”
- “Dinner should be perfect.”
These unspoken rules create suffering when they’re violated. Let them go. Reclaim your peace. People tend to lose sight of self-care when trying to meet what holidays are supposed to look like, so set realistic expectations for yourself and others.
Belief Shift: Replace “It must be perfect” with “Let it be real.”
3- Redefine Peace: It’s Internal, Not Situational
You don’t need things to be calm around you in order to be calm within. Most people try to change the external (cleaner house, quieter kids, better gifts), hoping it’ll quiet their mind.
Flip it. Choose inner peace first, and let everything else fall into place. Remember, maintaining your mental health and mental well-being is especially important during the holidays.
Practice: Start each day with a 1-minute grounding pause: “Today, I choose peace over performance.”
4- Use Time Intentionally, Not Habitually
Time doesn’t stress you out, how you relate to time does.
Instead of piling on to-do’s or trying to “get it all done,” ask: “What truly matters today?” Say no to what’s draining you. Focus on energy, not just efficiency. Planning ahead, scheduling breaks, and being intentional with your time can help reduce stress levels and make the season more manageable.
Reset: Trade your to-do list for a to-feel list. How do you want to feel today, and what supports that?
5- Collapse Comparison & Performances
Social media, family dynamics, and even traditions can pull you into comparison-mode. But trying to outperform or please others fuels stress.
Ego Mind: “If it looks good, I’ll feel good.”
Universal Awareness: “If I feel good, it will look however it looks.”
Let go of performance. Return to presence. Everyone’s life circumstances and feelings are different, and sadness is a normal part of the season for some.
6- Make Self-Care an Energetic Reset, Not an Obligation
Bubble baths won’t fix inner resistance. But conscious, moment-to-moment self-connection will.
Self-care isn’t another item to schedule, it’s how you relate to yourself when you start feeling tense or triggered. Practicing deep breathing, talking to a mental health professional, joining a support group, or connecting with a community can help manage stress and support your well-being.
Try This: When you feel yourself tensing, pause and touch your chest lightly. Say: “I’m safe. I don’t have to fix everything.”
7- Spend Consciously, Not Compulsively
Holiday stress often hides behind spending. You’re not just buying gifts, you’re often trying to buy worth, approval, or a sense of control.
Gift giving can be stressful, especially when searching for the right gifts for loved ones. Set a budget, stick to it, and be mindful of spending money to avoid financial concerns that can increase stress levels during the holidays.
Pause before any purchase: Ask, “Am I buying from guilt, fear, or joy?”
My mother thought spending money showed how much she cared, and this caused tremendous stress and anger between her and our dad. We should start to break free of buying stuff we do not need and won’t use. Shopping during the holidays can be in itself a trigger for most, especially those who wait until the last minute to get out and find their gifts.
My wife and I decided years ago to not exchange gifts, and it was the best decision we ever made.
Peaceful spending is aligned spending.
8- Transform Family Triggers into Awareness Tools
Family dynamics can stir up old wounds. But here’s the radical truth: triggers are teachers.
When someone “pushes your buttons,” you get to ask:
- What story is being activated?
- What rule am I enforcing?
- What do I expect them to be, and can I release it?
Family conflict can arise when interacting with a family member or family members, especially during gatherings. It’s important to respect differences, share responsibilities, and remember that loved ones and friends can offer support. If needed, talking to a loved one or friend can help you process emotions and find understanding.
Peace comes not from fixing them, but from collapsing your need for them to change.
9- Simplify Traditions That No Longer Serve You
Traditions should be sacred, not stressful. If something feels heavy, forced, or hollow, it’s okay to let it go.
Forget traditions that aren’t enjoyable or fun, and focus on creating new ways to celebrate that reflect your current values and needs.
Freedom lives on the other side of permission.
Start a new ritual that reflects where you are now, not who you were five holidays ago.
10- Plan for Recovery, Not Just Execution
We often plan our holiday output but not our recovery. Build in time to decompress, reflect, and reset, before burnout hits.
Maintaining healthy habits like regular exercise, eating nourishing food, moderating alcohol, and staying hydrated is key. Try to stick to your usual routines, take breaks from cleaning, and prioritize rest to support your overall well-being.
Post-holiday peace starts with prioritizing rest as much as performance.
Try this: Schedule a “nothing day” after the holidays, no errands, no plans, just space to recalibrate.
Final Thoughts:
You don’t need more tips to manage stress.
You need to dismantle the beliefs and internal resistance that create it.
Depression, grief, and feeling left out are normal experiences that can feel overwhelming and leave you feeling stressed, especially during the winter months. Shopping, social obligations, and the pressure to be the perfect person can add to the strain. Remember, you tend to your needs best by reducing stress and seeking support when necessary. If you feel hopeless or your mental health is suffering, reach out for help.
If you’re ready to eliminate stress, not just survive it, I invite you to explore the Stress Less method. It’s not about managing your stress. It’s about releasing the identity that’s addicted to it.
[Link to StressLess Free Training and Downloads]
Let this season be different from the years past.
You’re allowed to feel peace, even when others don’t. Focus on having fun and enjoying family and friends!
#StressLess #HolidayStress #MindsetShift #EmotionalFreedom #PerfectionismRecovery #EndStress #InnerPeace #ResistNothing
Research shows that connecting with family and friends is vital for your well-being, make time for those relationships this season.
