Everyone Experiences Stress- Can It Be Eliminated?
If you’ve ever felt more stressed after trying to manage stress, you’re not alone. Feeling stressed is a normal response to life’s challenges, and it’s a common experience for everyone.
Despite countless hours spent on deep breathing, relaxation exercises, yoga, scheduling every moment, or downloading yet another mindfulness app, millions of people still feel overwhelmed. The problem isn’t you — it’s the method.
Traditional stress management doesn’t work long-term. In fact, it often makes things worse. How do I know this? I have tried countless modalities and they all do help, but none of them deal with the root cause of stress. Keep reading for more on the root causes.
The facts: stress isn’t something life does to you.
It’s something you’ve learned, and continue to do to yourself. Don’t feel bad about this, it is just hard wired into our collective consciousness. Is it time to change this? Yep. This is why I do this work.
And here’s the radical shift:
If stress is something we do, then we can stop doing it.
The Flawed Foundation of Stress Management
Most stress management advice focuses on reducing symptoms, not eliminating the source. Most ofyou reading this will have dealt with long term stress, which is extremely detrimntal to your mental and physical health!
Mental health professionals and self-help resources alike offer practices designed to “help you cope”, but that’s part of the problem. Coping isn’t thriving. Coping isn’t peace.
You don’t need more tools to manage being miserable.
You need a method to release the entire stress pattern permanently.
Stress shows up when there’s a gap between internal resistance and external reality. You resist a job demand, a family member’s behavior, a financial trigger, and that internal resistance activates your nervous system. Recognizing how your personal habits and attitudes contribute to your stress level is essential for taking responsibility and making real change.
We call that resistance a choice point, a moment when you either reinforce the old stress pattern or interrupt it. Most people don’t even know that moment exists.
Why You’re Not Broken: the System Is
Let’s break down the cycle most people live in:
- You feel stressed by a trigger
- You try to “manage” it through meditation, breathing, or scheduling
- The stress returns
- You blame yourself for not “doing it right”
- You feel even more overwhelmed
You’re not failing, the model is.
The MULTI billion stress management industry sells control-based techniques to a biology that can’t be controlled under pressure.
That’s what I call the control paradox:
The more you try to manage your stress, the more stressed you become, because you’re reinforcing the belief that stress is something you must battle or fix.
Stress is a symptom of a deeper misalignment:
- Unquestioned beliefs about what you must do, be, or prove
- Nervous systems trained in chronic fight-or-flight
- Lives designed around urgency, not inner peace
Some stress is a normal part of life, but too much stress can overwhelm your mind and body, leading to serious health issues and making it crucial to find balance.
Stress Is Personal: So Solutions Must Be Too
Your stress pattern is as unique as your fingerprint. People respond to stress in different ways, so it’s important to experiment with different ways of coping to find what works best for you. That’s why one-size-fits-all methods fail:
- Mindfulness backfires for anxious minds who fixate on every breath
- Scheduling overwhelms spontaneous people who feel boxed in
- Group therapy drains introverts who find safety in solitude
- Meditation retraumatizes survivors who can’t “sit with their thoughts” safely
There are many stress management techniques available, and finding the right one for your needs can make a significant difference in your emotional and physical well-being.
In my Stress Less framework, we don’t treat stress as the problem.
We look at stress as a signal, a red flag waving from the subconscious.
That signal is trying to tell you something. The work is learning how to listen, then repattern the the mind to move from reaction to responding.
How We Actually Create (and Can Uncreate) Stress
Stress isn’t just about what’s happening out there, it’s about the meaning we assign to the moments of our lives.
Two people can experience the same job stress or family pressure and have entirely different nervous system responses. The causes of stress can vary widely, as different triggers and belief patterns shape how each person reacts. For example, one person might see a tight deadline as a motivating challenge, while another might feel overwhelmed and anxious due to past experiences or internal scripts. Why? Because they’re running different internal scripts.
Your body remembers the stress of past experiences, and your brain builds a shortcut.
This shortcut becomes a belief-based pattern that triggers the stress response before you even realize it’s happening.
In Stress Less, we teach people how to:
- Identify the belief pattern at the root of the overwhelm
- Interrupt it with a Micro Pause — a simple technique that opens a new neurological door
- Return to the Natural State — your default wiring of calm, clarity, and connection
You weren’t born stressed. You were born clear.
Stress is learned.
And that means it can be unlearned.
Stress Vigilantes & Avoiders: Two Common Patterns
Some people fight stress with control, I call them “Stress Vigilantes”.
They:
- Try to plan their way to peace
- Schedule their emotions
- Turn journaling, yoga, and even goal setting into performance metrics
Their need to perfect their stress relief becomes the very thing that sustains their stress.
Others avoid stress entirely: Stress Avoiders.
They:
- Procrastinate or distract;
- Use meditation or breathing to escape, not process or metabolize the suppressed emotions they shove down into their body;
- Delay conversations or decisions until they implode;
Their methods feel calming, until the consequences catch up.
Both are dealing with stress, but neither is dealing with it effectively. Instead of learning to deal with stress directly, they fall into patterns of over-control or avoidance.
Neither works long-term.
The Biology Behind Why You Can’t “Think Your Way Out”
When you live in chronic stress, your nervous system changes. These changes are not just mental, they are also physical, affecting your body in significant ways. Living in the fight-or-flight mode means your sympathetic nervous system is constantly activated, keeping your body on high alert. This state triggers increased heart rate, muscle tension, and rapid breathing, preparing you to respond to perceived threats. While useful in short bursts, chronic activation can wear down your body and mind, leading to exhaustion and health problems. Essentially, living this way means your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, making it difficult to find calm and balance.
The part of your brain responsible for calm, logic, and focus (the prefrontal cortex) shrinks.
The fear center (the amygdala) grows.
You literally become better at freaking out.
Add in:
- Cortisol resistance (your brain stops responding to calm cues)
- Inflammation (which blocks feel-good neurotransmitters)
- Hypervigilance from past trauma (where rest feels unsafe)
Chronic stress can lead to serious health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression. Maintaining your physical health through regular exercise, healthy eating, and stress management is essential to counteract these effects and support your overall well-being.
…and suddenly, telling someone to “just relax” is like asking a drowning person to “just swim.”
The Pitfalls of Using Alcohol, Food, Sex, and Drugs to Cope with Stress
After stress has taken hold, many people turn to quick fixes like alcohol, comfort food, sex, or even illegal drugs to ease their discomfort. While these behaviors might provide temporary relief or distraction, they are ultimately ineffective and can cause significant harm.
Using alcohol or drugs as a way to manage stress can lead to dependency, worsen mental health issues like anxiety and depression, and negatively impact physical health. Similarly, overeating or binge eating comfort foods high in sugar and fat may momentarily soothe emotional distress but often results in feelings of guilt, weight gain, and further stress on the body.
Turning to sex as a coping mechanism may also create unhealthy patterns, including emotional detachment or risky behavior, which can exacerbate stress rather than resolve it.
These coping strategies do not address the root causes of stress; instead, they mask the symptoms and can create a cycle of avoidance and escalating problems. True stress management requires healthy, sustainable approaches that help process and release stress, rather than burying it under harmful habits.
Recognizing these patterns is a crucial step toward breaking free from ineffective coping methods and cultivating healthier ways to relieve stress and support overall well-being.
Why “Managing Stress” Actually Trains You to Stay Stressed
The more techniques you try that don’t work, the more broken you feel.
This leads to what is called iatrogenic stress: stress caused by the treatment itself.
You:
- Try the apps, the mantras, the therapy
- Don’t feel better
- Start to think you are the problem
- Add shame and self-doubt to your stress stack
When stress management fails, it can create a cycle of negative thoughts, making it even harder to cope. Chronic stress is also closely linked to anxiety, and over time, the ongoing pressure can increase your risk of developing depression.
This is how good people burn out trying to “do stress management right.”
Many traditional approaches focus on ways to reduce stress after it has already taken hold, treating the symptoms rather than the root cause. However, the true solution lies not in merely reducing stress but in eliminating the stress response altogether by addressing the underlying patterns and beliefs that trigger it. By shifting from managing stress to unlearning the habits that create it, individuals can break free from the cycle of overwhelm and find lasting peace, rather than temporary relief.
What Actually Works: The Stress Less Method
If you’re serious about not just managing stress but releasing it at the root, here’s what works:
✅ Recognize the Pattern
Notice what belief or story is being triggered.
“People are depending on me.” “If I stop, I’ll fail.” “I can’t afford to rest.”
These aren’t facts, they are scripts.
✅ Pause with Purpose
Use the Micro Pause Method to interrupt the spiral.
One breath. One question. One new choice.
✅ Rewire the Response
Teach your nervous system that peace is safe — and productive.
Use my simple tools that help you return to your Natural State without needing hours of meditation or escape plans.
✅ Redesign the Inputs
Shift your environment, routines, relationships, and boundaries so they support you, not a false sense of “should.”
To cope with stress effectively, try organizing your to do list to prevent overwhelm and make daily life more manageable. Actively seek healthy ways to reduce stress, such as incorporating regular exercise and physical activity into your routine. Prioritizing enough sleep is one of the most important things you can do for your well being, as sleep helps build resilience and maintain your energy. Managing overall stress levels through these strategies supports both physical and mental health, making it easier to thrive in daily life.
Final Truth: You’re Not Meant to Live Like This
You weren’t designed to carry stress like armor.
You were made to create, connect, and move through life with clarity.
Not all stress is harmful—some stress is a natural part of life and can even motivate growth, but long term stress can lead to serious health issues if not addressed. Even positive changes, such as a new job or a growing family, can trigger stress and deserve mindful attention.
The reason conventional stress management doesn’t work is because it’s missing you.
Your beliefs. Your biology. Your patterns. Your power.
When you learn how to see the “choice point”.
When you train your nervous system to rest without fear.
When you stop managing stress and start undoing it.
That’s when everything changes.
Ready to Stop Managing Stress and Start Eliminating It?
If this resonated, you’re ready.
Get my Stress Less resources and learn the method that’s helped lawyers, professionals, and everyday people eliminate the root of their stress — and live from the Natural State again.
Learn more or enroll here
Your nervous system will thank you.
So will your future.
